Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Ajani's diver story

Ajani has worked really hard to add lots of interesting details into his story.  If you like it please leave him a comment.

Tom the deep sea diver dived into the cold deep blue sea that was swirling like a tornado.  Tom swam cautiously throught the seaweed in the cold water. He swam to the bottom.  When he stopped he saw a huge octopus with mean eyes and 8 stretchy long tentacles. 

The octopus wrapped his sticky tentacles around the dusty old box.  Tom was excited, his heart was pounding as he tried to get the octopus tentacles off. 

Suddenly the octopus let go of the treasure box so Tom tangled the sticky long tentacles into knots and pushed the octopus into the deep sea.

He opened the treasure box and found gold, golden money and jewels.

He was surprised and he realized that he could be rich.  “Yeah! Yeah! I can be rich” he screamed.  He couldn’t believe it, it was his first time.  

He swam back up for fresh air and carried the chest with him and shared it with his friends.

By Ajani


  1. Great use of words son. Wonderful!

  2. Wow Ajani, you worked hard on your story. I liked the "word pictures" you created,especially when you described the cold water and the scary octopus. Wouldn't it be exciting to find a treasure like Tom did? I know I would like to be his friend when he shared his money.

  3. Hi, Ajani! My name is Amanda Rice. I am in Dr. Strange's class EDM310 at the University of South Alabama. I enjoyed reading your story! Your story is very exciting and you used awesome details. I can picture Tom swimming to fight the octopus, to get the treasure. This is a great story!

  4. Hi Anjani, my name is Sidney Jensen. I am a college student in Mobile, Alabama. I really loved your story. Do you have a friend named Tom or did you make that character up? I really liked the way you described swimming under water. Do you like to swim. Keep writing, you will be a great author some day.

  5. Hi!! My name is Ardriana Marshall. I am a college student in Dr. Strange's EDM310 class at the University of South Alabama. I really loved your story and I love how you payed attention to details so the reader could have a clear view of what your character was doing. I think Tom is strong and brave for fighting for his treasure. I also think Tom is nice for sharing his reward with his friends. Do you share?


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