Thursday, December 4, 2014

Kaedince's diver story

KD the deep sea diver jumped into the deep blue sea. 

Then he saw an octopus’s eyes.  It was sitting on a treasure box.

By Kaedince

Lagi's diver story

Miss L the deep sea diver jumped into the deep blue sea.

Then she got scared because she found a twinkling treasure box.

Miss L got caught by the octopus long tentacles.  Then the octopus grabbed the treasure box.

By Lagi

Paschal's diver story

On a hot sunny day Tom jumped into the deep black sea.  Then he saw a mean octopus with black eyes.  He got caught by the octopuses long stretchy tentacles.

Then Tom went down to the octopus and said “You have eight tentacles, and your name is Santa, and you have a pumpkin head”  It made the octopus very angry.

By Paschal

Josh's diver story

Ben the deep sea diver jumped into the deep blue sea. He saw a very bad octopus with very spooky black eyes and eight long tentacles sitting on a very old treasure box.  First Ben hid in the seaweed, then he jumped out but the octopus strangled him.

By Josh

Chance's diver story

On a hot sunny day John the sea diver jumped into the sparkly blue water and swam through colourful coral.

Then he saw an octopus singing on a dusty old treasure box.  When the octopus stopped singing he got mean and angry at John.

Then as John was looking at the octopus it hid behind the beautiful coral.  Suddenly. It jumped out at John and John went “Ahh!”  John started to tease they octopus so they started to fight.  When the fight was over his heart was pounding so he went back to his boat without the treasure.

By Chance

Tayah's diver story

The diver jumped into the deep blue sea. He found the octopus and they had a fight and then the octopus swam away.

By Tayah

Levonah's diver story

On a hot sunny day Cody the deep sea diver dived into the twinkly blue waters.

When Cody dived in he got caught by an evil octopus with its long sticky tentacles.  Suddenly he saw something shining at the bottom in the sand so he went to see what it was.  It was a treasure box full of pearls, money and shiney glasses.  When he looked carefully Cody saw an octopus wrapping his gooey tentacles around the golden treasure box.

So Cody slowly sneaked behind the swirling seaweed trying to make no noise.  Then suddenly, he stepped on one piece of seaweed and the octopus looked behind and saw him.  Cody was very scared.

By Levonah

Syriah's diver story

On a hot sunny day Tom jumped into the deep blue sea.  He saw a colourful fish and tried to catch it but he missed it.

Then he saw an octopus sitting on an old treasure box. Tom was scared and wanted to go home to his family.

By Syriah

Piripi's diver story

On a stormy day Toby jumped into icey cold dangerous water and saw sharks everywhere. 

By Piripi

Jazzelles diver story

On a hot sunny day Ben jumped into the deep blue sea and saw lots of colourful fish.  On the way to the bottom of the sea he saw an octopus sitting on a golden treasure box.  He had really mean eyes.  So Ben sneaked behind the seaweed.  Then the octopus wrapped its long tentacles around Ben and tried to strangle him. They had a fight but Ben won and got the treasure box.   Then the octopus drifted off.

By Jazzelle

Marika's diver story

On a sparkling twinkling starry night Mia the deep sea diver splashed into the shimmering sea.

Then she saw a musical golden treasure box with a rainbow octopus kissing it because he loved it so much. When Mia saw the treasure box she fell in love with it too.

Then Mia started to get closer and closer until the octopus noticed she was coming towards the treasure box.  The octopus was terrified because he had found it first.  The octopus had never, ever seen a human before so he cuddled Mia so tightly that she felt like bursting like a balloon.

By Marika

Amira's diver story

On a hot sunny day Ben the deep sea diver jumped into the huge swells.  Then, Oh No! a huge wave swept him away.  Ahhhh!  He tried and tried to pop his head up so that he could breathe.  But he just couldn’t. 

Then he saw an octopus sitting on a new shiney treasure box. Ben tried to get the octopus tentacles off the treasure box but they were sticky and an ugly pink.

Just then Ben went up to the octopus and said “your ugly”.  It was just to make him mad but it didn’t go as planned.

By Amira

Caleb's diver story

On a cold rainy day Mr R jumped into some gentle rippling waves.  The waves washed him in the bright and colourful sea with fish swimming all around him. 

When he sank to the bottom he saw a huge octopus sitting on a golden treasure box.  He tried to sneak up behind the octopus but it saw him and tried to strangle him with his eight long tentacles. They had a fight but Mr R tied up the octopus tentacles with his hands and took the treasure.

By Caleb

Pisirina's diver story

On a blistering hot day Tommy the deep sea diver jumped into the twinkling sea.  Tom saw lots of seaweed swishing backwards and forwards. 

Then he saw it! An octopus with beady eyes was sitting on an old rusty treasure box.  It was filled with pearls and money. 

The octopus was so selfish he didn’t want to share.  Then suddenly the octopus wrapped its gooey tentacles around Tommy, so Tommy stretched up his arms and tied the octopus up like ‘dippity dog’

Tommy was so excited he cried “finally the treasure is mine!” and he quickly excaped from the octopus.

By Pisirina

Eden's diver story

On a stormy winter day Jack jumped into the cold water, shivering. He couldn’t see anything, not even his hand.

So he swam slowly through the deep blue sea until he saw a sparkling treasure box with a singing octopus sitting on the top.  The octopus peeked at Jack and swam away to his family.  So Jack had the treasure box after all.

By Eden

Govanni's diver story

On a black stormy day when the lightening was flashing through the sky Mr G felt scared as he jumped into the cold black sea.

In the cold black sea he could see a mean octopus with two black beady eyes and eight long tentacles sitting on a sparkling new treasure box.  Then the mean octopus began strangling Mr G. But… Finally Mr G got away from the long tentacles and got then sparkling treasure box.

By Giovanni

Tepaia's diver story

On a bright and sunny day Ben dived into the cold deep blue sea and he saw a mean octopus sitting on a box of treasure. The mean octopus had scary black eyes and long sticky tentacles.

Then the octopus wrapped Ben up in his slimy tentacles and tried to strangle Ben.  They had a fight over the golden treasure box of money.  And Ben won.

By Tepaia

Qwanelle and Toby's diver story

One stormy day, Tom the deep sea diver, jumped off the ship into the freezing cold water.  In the water there was a golden treasure box! 

Tom was so excited that he couldn’t even say a word until… he saw an octopus with 8 long sticky, gooey tentacles and beady eyes.  Tom really wanted the treasure box until the octopus wrapped its gooey tentacles around his throat.  Tom was trying to pull the tentacles off.  He used all his strength because he wanted it so much.  Suddenly, Tom got choked by the tentacles as it chased him around the grooving seaweed. 

Then after chasing Tom the octopus was tired and started to cry.  So, Tom quickly grabbed the golden treasure box and climbed back onto his boat.

By Toby and Qwanelle,
Class 16 have been learning how to make paragraphs with 3 ideas about one thing.  They have also been learning how to recraft their writing for meaning, adding juicy detail and punctuation.  They had a little help with some gifted words.  Can you spot what they are?